Body Shaming: When Cheap-Talks Gone Wrong

What a powerful message tho!

Source: Instagram

Sebenernya, aku udah pernah buat postingan tentang body shaming  di blog ini juga, kamu bisa baca di sini. Tapi, di tulisan itu, aku masih mengulasnya dengan pandangan yang lebih umum dan mungkin kurang detil, karena aku juga membahas tentang body authority. Tapi, kali ini, aku rasa aku harus lebih fokus untuk hanya membahas tentang body shaming. Here we go!

Untuk yang belum tau, apa itu body shaming dan apa aja lingkupnya, kita bisa mulai dari sini.

“Body shaming adalah istilah yang digunakan untuk kegiatan (baik dengan mengomentari atau mencela) seseorang karena penampilan fisiknya. Ruang lingkupnya bisa dengan mengomentari bagaimana kondisi tubuh kita (berat badan, tinggi badan, warna kulit, bahkan sampai ke kemampuan fisik seseorang).”

Nah, paragraf di atas harus kamu ingat sampai waktu-waktu setelah kamu membaca tulisan ini ya.

Saat kita bahas tentang body shaming, yang ada di bayangan kita mungkin bagaimana seseorang di-bully, dicela, direndahkan ­karena penampilan, like we all ever saw on TV. Tapi, faktanya adalah, body shaming ini gak hanya bisa terjadi lewat celaan yang merendahkan seseorang. Since we live in Indonesia, pasti yang namanya acara ngumpul, reuni atau acara-acara pesta lainnya, yang menuntut kita bertemu dengan orang baru atau orang lama yang baru ketemu lagi membuat kita jadi lebih sering dan mudah dalam berbasa-basi. Yang namanya basa-basi alias membuka percakapan dengan orang alias mengakrabkan diri sebenarnya gak pernah salah. Tapi pernahkah kamu mendengar pertanyaan atau pernyataan seperti saat udah lama nggak ketemu orang, dan begitu ketemu justru pertanyaan-pertanyaan kayak gini yang kamu dengar atau kamu sendiri yang megucapkannya,

“Wah kamu kurusan deh! Udah bagus gini aja!” yang diucapkan dengan ketidaktahuan bahwa si lawan bicara mengidap anoreksia? bulimia? stres?

“Kamu sih makan terus, sekarang jadinya gemuk kan”

“kamu kerjaanya apa sih? Kok item banget sekarang?”

“Kamu perawatan kulit gitu loh, biar gak dekil, biar ada yang naksir”

“Muka kamu sekarang jerawatannya gitu ya? Cantikkan yang dulu.” yang diucapkan dengan ketidaktahuan bahwa si lawan bicara ternyata sudah mencoba berbagai cara untuk melenyapkan jerawat-jerawat itu.

Dll.

Pertanyaan atau pernyataan seperti tadi gampang banget buat ditemukan di dalam masyarakat kita. Bahkan, sangking seringnya, basa-basi kayak gini udah dianggap biasa sama sebagian besar masyarakat kita. Guys and Girls out there, I'm not being sensitive. But I think, it's the right thing to do. Kalau menurut aku, ini jadi salah satu kebiasaan masyarakat yang seharusnya ditinggalkan, dan diganti dengan pertanyaan-pertanyaan yang lebih menggugah sisi simpati dan empati kita. Misal seperti,

“Gimana di sana? Kamu betah kan?”

“Yang penting kamu seneng kan?”

“Kamu sehat kan?”

Atau sesederhana “Gimana kabarmu?”

Pertanyaan-pertanyaan kayak gini menurutku lebih menunjukkan bagaimana kamu sebenarnya ingin terlibat dalam percakapan yang lebih dalam dan benar-benar ingin menanyakan kabar sama teman yang udah lama gak ketemu. Kita gak mau kan berusaha akrab dengan basa-basi seperti “kamu kurusan deh, udah kayak gini aja, lebih cantik” ke teman kita yang ternyata penyebab kurusnya adalah stres atau anoreksia/bulimia? 

Sebenarnya body shaming ini gak hanya terjadi di antara orang-orang yang udah lama gak ketemu kemudian bertemu pada suatu kesempatan. Tetapi juga sering terjadi di antara hubungan pertemanan yang deket, they called it "sahabat" as the form of friendship in the higher level rather than "just friend". Sayangnya, banyak orang yang akhirnya mengiyakan aja, 
"yaudahlah, dia kan temen gue",
"dia yang paling kenal gue, gapapa lah",
"gue udah biasa banget". 

Guys, pernah gak denger ungkapan "sesuatu hal yang  dilakukan berulang kali walau itu salah, lama-lama akan diterima". Never meant to preach you all guys, but, let me ask, "mungkinkah ini bagian dari 'kita yang mulai terbiasa?'." 

Teman-teman, body shaming ini kaitannya dengan citra tubuh seseorang. Apa itu citra tubuh? Citra tubuh ini adalah bagaimana seseorang memiliki tanggapan terhadap dirinya sendiri. Hal-hal yang berkaitan dengan citra tubuh ini berkaitan juga dengan, gimana kamu melihat dirimu, seberapa nyaman kamu dengan dirimu sampai ke seberapa percaya diri kamu terhadap dirimu. Selain memang berkaitan dengan bagaimana seseorang memperlakukan dirinya, citra tubuh juga dipengaruhi oleh lingkungan di sekitarnya. Try to imagine, how does it feel to be bullied for 8 years, listening to the same freaking thing about you being fat? Kalau aku dihadapkan dengan situasi seperti itu, pilihannya mungkin ada tiga, satu aku akan terbiasa hingga aku jadi orang yang gak peduli dengan badanku dan gak sayang dengan badanku, dua aku akan jadi orang yang rendah diri dengan badan yang aku punya, tiga aku mungkin akan jadi orang yang terobsesi punya badan kurus hanya untuk membuktikan aku bisa kurus dengan cara apapun. Iya, apapun. 

Aku paham sih, setiap orang pasti punya standar cantiknya masing-masing. Aku percaya itu. Sayangnya, hal ini jadi bias karena media yang bikin standar cantik kita harus seragam seperti harus yang berambut panjang, tinggi semampai, langsing atau kulit putih mulus tanpa cela. dengan standar kecantikan yang sudah diatur sedemikian rupa, akhirnya kita berlomba-lomba menjadikannya sebagai parameter cantik untuk menilai sudah secantik apa diri kita atau sudah secantik apa orang lain. This might be where all the body shaming stuff started. Body standard yang terus dibentuk media yang berusaha dicapai beramai-ramai oleh para manusia yang terpapar sama setiap informasi yang mereka terima.

Tapi, jujur, aku juga mulai bersyukur, karena sedikit-sedikit produk-produk beauty dan skincare mulai punya campaign untuk menunjukkan sisi kecantikan yang beragam sih. Baik yang produk rambut, produk kulit, bahkan produk makeup sekalipun.

Nah, balik lagi ke kebiasaan kita dalam berbasa-basi yang ternyata juga termasuk ke dalam perilaku body shaming, baik itu dari nanya kabar yang justru berakhir mengomentari bentuk fisik lawan bicara kita, atau menjadikan bentuk tubuh lawan biacara kita sebagai bahan bercandaan hanya karena dia sahabat kita dan dekat banget sama kita sehingga kita percaya dia tidak akan sakit hati atau melakukan hal-hal negatif karena candaan kita yang ternyata celaan. Dunia ini luas, ada 7 milyar lebih orang di dalamnya, ratusan spesies, dan kamu punya jutaan topik lainnya untuk dibicarakan dengan lawan bicaramu selain dengan bentuk tubuhnya.

Dan teruntuk kamu yang menerima body shaming atau fat shaming atau segala macam bentuk shaming hari ini, aku percaya, orang-orang yang mengatakan hal-hal ini bakal selalu ada, they won’t be gone in a minute, and their words were craved for hundred years maybe. Tapi, kita selalu bisa memilih untuk kasih pertahanan terbaik yang kita bisa. Kita bisa kasih reaksi langsung saat mereka melakukan body shaming ke kita, kasih penjelasan panjang lebar kayak tulisan ini, atau, senyumin aja.

Tapi, sebelum kamu milih, aku juga percaya, bahwa energi positif itu juga datang dari dalam tubuh dan jiwa kita. Perihal penerimaan diri kita terhadap apapun yang Allah kasih pada tubuh kita juga harus sudah selesai di bab ini nih. Kenapa? Karena dengan begini, dengan cara apapun kamu merespon body shaming, kamu bisa menghadapinya dengan cara yang lebih tenang dan positif. Satu hal lagi yang perlu kamu ingat, God has made you beautiful with everything you have now, embrace it. Jangan biarin kata orang atau media bikin kamu mengingkari nikmat yang udah Allah kasih. caranya dengan bersyukur dan merawat dengan baik apa yang sudah diberi.

Love yourself, by taking care every single thing in your body.
Now, have you love yourself today?


with love,

Things to Boost Up My Mood (maybe yours too)

Hello there!

Hope everyone is doing well. Actually, I ‘ve made a draft for this post since 3 weeks ago, yet it was hard to find or even make time in the middle of thesis revision and other stuffs. But here I am.

First thing first, I’m feeling sorry for those active writers on Tumblr, because since yesterday, it was banned in my country by our governance because of some serious reports. I’m not actually an active users on Tumblr, but I have already used it since I was in Junior High School, not sure it was when I was in grade 8 or 9. Tumblr was like my alternative page besides Twitter or Blogspot to spit out everything on my mind. Including, those times when I posted none to this page, usually, I made those short poems, posted photos or thoughts on Tumblr, something that was longer to be posted in Twitter or too short to make it as a blogspot posts (for me) or simply I could find someone who would just react to that. Hehe. I’m not saying I don’t find it here, but…. Yeah.

In short, if I could ever ask the governance about Tumblr, could you give us (as users and a writers) times a day or two to grab whatever thoughts or ideas that has been saved but not yet posted or even save our works that we posted before? Hehe. But then again, you know if you insist to open your old Tumblr, you know that thing called “VPN” right? *smirk*

Well, 10 months struggling up with thesis is not easy as it seems. But yeah, as the roller coaster riding down the trail, it will be going up as well. And one of those highlights of doing my thesis is surely about having a good vibe to do it. But now is not the time to talk about how I did my thesis (maybe later in some other post), but how to build up my mood and have that good vibe to through my day.

Caution: these stuffs I do, is literally about me. Since to share is to care, so I hope that it might work for you as well, but if it’s not, well that’s fine.

Caution number two: I’ve through days without these things, and days with these things and compared it. And I feel some of these things I would mention were sooo influencing (at least for me). So, grab your whatever-you-want-to-eat and read. Have fun!

• Being an Early Bird

It’s hard maybe for those who just started it. But it’s always worth it. Get up earlier means you have more time to prepare things. Not only to prepare “things”, but also to prepare your mood. I am a kind of girl who needs some times to lift up my mood, it’s like whatever I’m gonna do, it depends on it (I know it’s wrong, but I need this to enjoy whatever I’m doing). And it felt so different when I woke up at 5.00am while usually I’ve started my day since 3.00am. I’ll be like… demotivated, lazy and my biggest guilty pleasure: procrastinate. By then, I could say I’m screwed.

•  Your business to Allah over your business to human

Now, why the heck I started at 3.00am? Somehow I felt thankful to suffer from insomnia back then (and now) that somehow make my sleeping hours becomes quite short. I could sleep 3/4 hours for the whole 24 hours, and it’s enough for me. That somehow, it forces me to choose either I want to sleep at 9.00pm and wake up at 12.00am/1.00am, or sleep at 12.00am and wake up ant 3.00am. and some other time I’ve heard a wise advice from a friend of mine, she said, if you want your business with your friends, relations or else you name it clear or say success, make sure your business to Allah is already done right before you step out of your house. From that, she mentioned things the duty as a Muslim we got to fulfil before we go out like Tahajud, pray Shubuh (including the Sunnah Rawatib), Dzikr, Tilawah, until Pray Dhuha. And off you go to wherever you want to.

• Morning Coffee

Am I addicted to it? I don’t know. Actually, the caffeine in coffee they said could strike away those sleepy eyes just don’t work for me. But yes, coffee have suggest my brain that today I’m gonna have so much fun. I don’t have any specific coffee to drink every morning. If it’s instant coffee in sachet we usually found, it’s okay. If it’s just simply a cup of kopi tubruk without sugar, I’m gonna be happy. But if it’s a kopi Arabica Gayo or Arabica Bali Kintamani tubruk, without sugar, I’m more than happy! It’s bitter, indeed. But I don’t like sweet. I like the smell of coffee every morning. It always successfully lifts up my mood.

Ngupi apa Ngupi

• Yes to Unfollow!

Nowadays people seems like they depend their life to social media. Or to make it smoother….they always want to connect to each other via social media that makes them update every-damn-thing to social media. Not smooth enough? Sorry not sorry. Maybe it’s not just them, maybe I, you ever did it in the past. Updating every single thing you found. Well, I trying to quit it, and having my real life here with my friends, even I still work in social media as well. Have you ever asked yourself? How many times you open your Instagram in a day? Is it once? Twice? More than 12 times? And have you ever counted how much posts which bring good impact for you as the audience? Or was it all just a toxic post? I said toxic because somehow, it could make you feel mad, angry, and jealous or even hate. I could say, I open my Instagram account too often I can’t even count how many times, and the only thing I could do to keep my good mood is by unfollowing account that spread hates or “nirfaeda” posts. I feel that is the only way to save myself, from arguing on pointless topics, at least. I think social media now is one of those things that come nearly close to us in daily life, so it’s important to make it “healthy” for your heart and brain.

• Do more of your hobbies

When things get hard, I usually separate myself from the world outside my room. And doing my things. Crocheting or reading, or watching movie or just opening up my Corel Draw and make whatever I want to make. Not all those kind of hobbies I mention were actually my passion. But they’re enough for me to just escape from the real world, take distance, and come back after all.

Not an expert tho, but I like crocheting

• Good playlist good mood

I like old songs. Or pop songs which were out of date. It was my father who first bought that The Vanishing Race Album from Air Supply (when he’s young) that I listened when I was in Junior High School or my mother who liked to listen to Koes Ploes or Rani who sang Gang Kelinci. From that time, I started to listened to The Beatles. Their song that I first listened was Let It Be. And after that I started to like them, until now. Now I listened to them on loop and plus my dearest Frank Sinatra. You might think that those old songs were just boring. But what attracts me is their lyric. It sounds so meaningful and timeless, for me, some of pop songs now just bore me with their meaningless lyric or the shallow definitions of love just by making love or so. Come on. Even not every songs sound so, nowadays we just got to be more “picky” to listen to some songs I guess.

Click Time Machine for playlist! and yes brother and sister, I listened to Senja di Batas Kota  :))

 

• Make a list of gratitude

To write is to remember. The more you write, the more you remember. I was kind of depressed for doing my thesis back then. But then I started to write things I could feel grateful for. And the result is, I just needed to take another point of view to see things. It’s hard at first, but it’s the thing to do, and I believe I’ll get used to it, and as the process went by, I finally feel okay. Feel okay means you could just let it all go, and you let God handle it because you have done your best. And after that, you could focus on the other thing. And the mantra I always keep that in mind “Jangan lupa bahagia”. Don’t forget to be happy. It’s a simple thing, we often forget. The message is clear. It asked us to be happy. Because being happy is a choice. Moreover, being happy means you know and you realize that you’re blessed. Because the ones who don’t were the one who don’t even realize that maybe there are millions other people who crave for their positions.

 That’s all that. These things are the most influencing things to help me to get out of the bad vibes or just lift up my mood after a few trials and errors and even now I still do the errors. Now let me know, what things that could make your mood boost up?

Have a good day!