relationship through my eyes

What so called relationship... everyone got their own definition about this one. but for me, it's such a serious and important thing.

Well, right now, I'm going to tell you what relationship is through mt eyes and what it should be.

Relationship, now I'm kinda realize that my mostly friends have their own boyfriend or girlfriend. They hang out with them, do their homework together, and many more. I'm not saying that it's bad. It's just good if they're int the good capacity, not too much or less.

To me, Relationship is a kind of tolerance for two people to get in a relation that connected them by the feeling they had. It's about to fill each other's life, completing each other's heart, to stand under the same commitment. Seems like a marriage's rule? haha it's not, it's just how I see Relationship is, that it couldn't be a game so dont you ever try to play on it.

and the reason why I'm single except because no guy ever liked me are because it's just so difficult for me to fall in love again. I dont know whether my heart is already frozen or not, but the fact is that It did frozen. I'm not saying that I cant fall in love. I've liked some other guy but it's just that they cant make me feel "what-so-called-LOVE" Or maybe I'm afraid to fall, because of some kinda trauma? maybe. Because I'm afraid of getting sick, lost, hurt or any other consequences that I might got? Maybe. Because I'm still thinking that I'm too young to get in a relationship, to commit with someone who's never knew what I've been through and who I really am? Probably. Because I think, my emotion is too labile, so that I'm afraid that it'll hurt someone who loves me(if someone might be there)? Sure. Because When I already on the edge of the cliff, ready to fall, there must be reason for me not to fall, like there's no hope for me, like I'll be died down there because when I fall, there'll be no one to catch me? Yes. Because of my selfish thoughts that always telling me that I can handle my problems from A to Z by myself, that i can be an independent woman by myself, so i dont need someone's special, cause everybody's the same in my eyes? Sure! I dont wanna make my relationship to be a relation-shit because of my stupidities? EXTREMELY RIGHT!

Complicated?
Pathetic?
Sad?
Arrogant?
What else?

But, It's just me. I think I'm not ready. And I'm waiting till I find myself that I'm ready to fall....