Sunday, March 24, 2013

When a Jerk Met that Naïve Girl



When my daughter grow to be a teenager
I’ll tell her a story

Once upon a time, there lived a girl
She looks happy because she smiles every time
She loves to feel the sun shine through her skin in the morning
She loves to hear the sound of the raindrops
She made her brain as a jukebox

But no one knows
That there’s something that she hides
The reason why she smiles
The reason why she feels happy
The reason why she sings

Love

She’s been in love
“1 day?”
“1 month?”
“1 year?”
Don’t ask
You won’t find the answer
No one knows how long
Even her own self

That guy
He’s not like Abraham Lincoln
Not like Albert Einstein
Or John Lennon
But yes that guy own that place
That place, hidden, deep buried inside that girl’s heart

One day
They met each other
At the crossroad
“I want to explode” the girl whispered
That guy came closer to the girl
“God I don’t want to fall, it must be hurt” the girl prayed
That guy smiled at the girl
That’s when that jerk smiled for the first time at the girl

And there’s a battle between the girl’s heart and brain
“Just go fall for him!”
“Don’t!”
“You won’t get hurt!”
“You will!”
“You can fly!”
“It’s nonsense! Don’t be too naïve!”
“She’s right, I can fly” the girl whispered
That’s when that naïve girl fell for the first time

And my daughter will ask
“Is it over yet?”
“No, honey, that’s the beginning”

And the girl took his hand
That guy held it tight
Like he never wanted to let it go
“I love you” were spread everywhere
Those looking-into-each-other’s-eyes deeply moments were done every time
That guy brought the fresh air into her morning
Now she could felt the wind blew her air while feeling the sunshine
That guy brought rainbow into her rain
Now she could look at another beauty
That guy brought the sound of bird’s tweeting
Now she could also hear another song
That guy brought life
That guy brought world
That guy brought something called “alive”
That’s when that jerk taught her how to live a life

That naïve girl
She’s madly in love
She fell deeper everyday
That it made her forget
Everything would come to an end
That naïve girl would find her own end
That’s the tragedy
That’s when that naïve girl crashed the bottom

My daughter will ask
“Does she bleed? How’s the scar?”
“You can’t see the scar, no one ever could”
“Why?”

That guy decided
That guy made his own path
That’s when that jerk left that naïve girl

My daughter will ask
“Why?! They’re such as perfect couple”
“How do you know?”
She will keep herself in silence, wondering on what she’s just talking on
“You right, I don’t know”

People will come and go into your life
Some are meant to tag along with us
Some are meant to be there and left some good lessons for us
Love could be that simple
Love could be that complicated
Love means happiness
Love means sadness
It never gets you stayed at one spot
Trust me
  
And my daughter will ask me
"Mom, what's the title anyway?"
"The title is When a Jerk Met that Naïve Girl"

Friday, March 22, 2013

She

If you ever read this
this shit is what she wanted to say so far

She tried to heal the wounds that he made
Alone
She also tried to love again
but then she realized
there's no other
there's no way to escape the feeling

She knew 
how much he broke her heart
how many pieces she gotta pick
how sick he tore her heart
how far he went away
yet, she stays

She tried to keep herself in silence
avoids every possible conversation she might get with him
because his voice is her favorite tune
more than every song she could ever love

she's tired of building up the wall in front of him
she's that damn tired
of running
of hiding
of feeling down
she's that damn tired

And the laughter
She laughs hard
no, she didn't fake it, she never did
if you ever listen to them 
carefully
there's something deep inside her heart
pain, wound, scar, whatever it is
that she hopes, they may be healed by the laughter

She tries hard on giving herself 
assumption and suggestion
at night when she want to off to bed
at dawn when the first time she opens her eyes
that everything will be alright
that everything will be fine
(that maybe he will be coming back around)

She also avoids every eyes contacts to him
because she knew
looking into his eyes will bring back 
those sweet short memories

Now she's wondering
"why does every love song seem to be made for me?"
"Am I there? In your prayer? Cause you're on mine"
"Hey! Who the hell I am for thinking on this shit?"

Deep inside
She needs
She hopes
She prays

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Waktu Rehat

"Sruputttt"
Sekali lagi seteguk Nescafe White and Creamy, musik asik dari White Shoes and The Couples Company nemenin malem gue yang klasik ini. Seketika gue jadi ngebayangin momen ini dengan mode grayscale.

Waktu rehat kali ini gue sempetin buat nulis barang satu paragraf sekalian ngerontokin sarang laba-laba yang udah mulai berhinggapan di blog, sekalian ngelapin keyboard dari debu yang udah setinggi 10 cm, saking udah lamanya gue nggak nyetuh laptop buat nulis, bener-bener nulis.

Hidup gue di 2 setengah bulan awal tahun 2013 ini cukup ngasih gue perasaan "get in roller-coaster". udah ngerasain dilemanya, sakitnya, senengnya, banyak lah ya, kalo kayak kata iklan, "Rasanya Nano-nano". Tapi overall, semuanya bikin gue belajar. Bikin gue belajar, mana yang harus gue tangisin, mana yang nggak, mana yang cukup bikin gue nyesek aja, mana yang harus gue buang, mana yang harus gue kasih perhatian, mana yang nggak. Life is to learn, and learn is to live.

Dan yang paling-paling kerasa adalah kegiatan gue sebagai kakak senior di sekolah, which means jadi anak kelas 3 atau kelas 12 SMA itu lama-lama kerasa juga ya capeknya. Bener-bener semuanya kepake, dari fisik, otak, batin. Bukan maksud buat ngeluh sih, cuma cerita, siapa tau salah satu yang baca ini ada yang adek kelas gue, jadi kan bisa siap-siap mental dulu gitu HEHE. Dan menurut gue yang paling penting sekarang adalah gunain waktu dengan bijak, bagi waktu antara istirahat, belajar, dan yang paling sering dilupain kita-kita dan parahnya malah dianggap sebagai "tindakan kurang prihatin", adalh refreshing. Refreshing itu penting banget, selain emang untuk mengendurkan otot-otot yang 7/24 berkutat sama teori ekonomi lah, teori pergerakan lempeng lah, kenapa beban dibayar dimuka dimasukkin di debet lah, fungsi kuadrat, interaksi sosial, dan blablabla, refreshing juga berguna banget buat ngerefresh otak yang udah dipake buat kegiatan yang sama. Sama lah konsepnya kayak mesin, kalo dipake terus nggak pake istirahatnya pasti rusak, sama juga kayak otak, perlu waktu rehat.

Refreshingnya tiap orang juga beda-beda, ada yang harus ngeluarin budget minimal lima ratus ribu buat shopping, ada yang harus pergi ke luar kota, tapi ada juga yang refreshing dengan tidur seharian tanpa ada yang ngebangunin. Relatif banget. Nah gue sekarang mau cerita gimana gue manfaatin waktu gue buat merehatkan otak, hihihi

Temen-temen gue udah minta tolong banget dan nggak mau ngajak gue ngobrol kalo misalkan gue lagi capek. Kenapa? Karena e karena, kalo gue udah capek, gue bakal jadi orang yang paling diem, males ngomong, nanggepin orang sekenanya(bener-bener sekenanya, bisa dalam artian terlalu jujur, bisa juga diartiin ngasal jawab), oiya jangan lupa juga tatapan mata setengah meleknya, itu kan bikin males orang yang mau ngajak ngomong banget haha, tapi gue kayak gitu cuma kalo lagi capek banget kok :3 Banget loh ya, bukan aja(?) Dan kalo udah kayak gitu, yang nyelamatin mood gue cuma kamar. Iya, gue anak kamaran, bukan rumahan lagi tapi kamaran, versi lebih parah dari rumahan. Terus ngapain gue di kamar? Duduk di kursi ruang tamu yang menurut gue enak banget yang emang sengaja gue taroh kamar, ngopi, dengerin musik, bengong, sambil nunggu mood balik.Kadang sekalian ditambah baca novel. Udah nggak ada yang lain. Rasanya nyaman aja gitu, saat gue ada di dunia gue sendiri, dengan musik yang gue banget, mau itu alternative kek, pop, jazz, blues, malah kadang lagu india, terserah gue. Kopi, amunisi gue sepanjang masa, nggak ngerti banget kenapa gue bisa jatuh cinta sama minuman ini, padahal maag gue udah mengkhawatirkan, but it doesn't matter sih, as long as gue makan sebelum minum si kopi hehe. Juga musik, yaampun, pokoknya lengkap banget deh ya status gue yang notabene single tapi tetep bisa bahagia ini, kalo udah ada musik, sampe otak sendiri berasa kayak mp3 player, karena bahkan tiap orang-orang di sekitar gue punya lagu yang selalu bisa ngingetin gue sama mereka. Dan cuma kayak gitu, sesederhana itu gue menikmati waktu rehat gue, yang alhamdulillah selalu berhasil bikin mood gue balik :)

My new work area and comfort zone in the room,
udah beda lagi kan sama work are a gue yang waktu itu pernah gue post :p