The Silliest game E-V-E-R!!!

Jadi, liburan semester ini gue ke Jakarta, kayak biasanya, sedikit beda, liburan kali ini gak bisa dibilang liburan, karena awalnya gue harus ngurusin lomba, terus juga yang paling menyebalkan dan melelahkan, ngumpulin berkas-berkas untuk passport. Bukan, bukan, ini bukan karena gue mau jadi TKW atau karena gue mau di deportasi ke Ethiopia atau ke India-_-" Sebenernya ngurus passpor tuh mudah-mudah aja, ngisi formulir, kumpulin berkas, kasih ke kantor imigrasi, diperiksa, foto selesai, tapi gak dengan kasus gue.
Semua rada dipersulit sama satu surat. ya satu surat doang yang bikin gue harus bolak-balik sekitar 40 kilo sehari, untung aja pantat gue gak nyetak jok mio-_--' suratnya adalah surat kematian almarhum bokap. ngeselin sih emang, orang udah meninggal aja pake ada suratnya, segala bentuk formalitas ini kadang terasa mengesalkan!
Dari pergi ke Rumah Sakit waktu itu bokap dirawat, kantor polisi, kelurahan, kantor imigrasi gue jalanin sama nyokap dan adek gue. walau panas, hujan badai, angin tornado........ekhem, sorry gue kibul, gak ada hujan badai sama angin tornado di Jakarta selama gue di sini. dan yang paling bikin ngenes selain bolak balik adalah, gue harus boncengin nyokap sama adek, who are hm.......lumayan gemuk-gemuk naik...... MIO!!! IYA MI-YO! Sekali lagi ya biar dramatis, M-I-O! MIOOOOOOO! *kemudian hening*
Gue gendut. nyokap gendut. adek gendut. jok mio kecil. sisanya lo bayangin aja deh jadinya kayak apa. Sepanjang jalan gue bisa kena penyakit yang namanya Badmoodtus akutus. Ya, penyakit orang-orang di Jakarta waktu mereka sedang dalam perjalanan, tidak mengenal kendaraan apa yang mereka gunakan, mereka dapat terserang penyakit ini. Indikasi jika terjangkit penyakit ini adalah, kedua pangkal alis yang bertemu, timbulnya kerut di sekitar dahi, bibir yang tak bisa terangkat, tingginya hasrat untuk menekan klakson kendaraan, dll. Sedangkan penyebabnya adalah, kemacetan yang merajalele merajalela, meningkatnya suhu udara di perjalanan dan kejaran dateline.
Suatu hari, waktu gue lagi terserang penyakit ini, adek gue yang gue bonceng, nepok nepok paha gue. pertamanya gue sih biasa aja, tapi lama-lama risih juga, nih anak kok sering nepok-nepok paha gue, setelah gue amati, ternyata anak ini nepok-nepok gue sambil bilang "SCOOPY/LORENG/VESPA" Ini sih udah lewat dari silly,tapi udah jadi norak-_-" tapi lama-lama kelamaan gue ketularan.....................................dan gak tau kenapa, gue jadi ketagihan ngelkuin hal yang sama setiap gue jalan sama anak ini hahaha.

Kalo kalian mau ngelakuin permainan ini, boleh aja kok, asal jangan sampe malah jadi pada ribut gara-gara rebutan sasaran aja, haha. karena tujuan dari permainan ini tuh sebenernya buat ngisi kekosongan waktu kalian lagi ada di perjalanan, kan jadi gak bosen, dan mungkin kalian bisa modifikasi dengan adain hukuman atau targetnya. hihihi :p

Enjoy the game! :D

That's why I Smile....

Have you smiled today?

There're kinda smiles in this world...

Honest Smile...

Faked Smile...

Beautiful Smile...

Forced Smile...

Mocking Smile...

But still, Those are kinda Smile...

Buddies, let's Smile!

Smile because you want to share your happiness

Smile because you want to heal yourself from pain and suffer

Smile because you want to see someone else smile back to you

Smile because you look so attractive

Smile because you want to change you bad mood.

Smile because you want to stay positive

Smile because you know there's so much beautiful things.

Smile because you know your life is too short to always take it in negative way.

Smile because you know you'll never be alone.

Smile because you thank God for everything He gives to you.

So, is there any reason not to smile?

Just remember one thing,

There might be one reason to cry, to be sad;
but, there's always thousands of reasons to smile about :)

HAPPY SMILING , BUDDIES!

DON'T FORGET TO SPREAD THOSE BEAUTIFUL SMILES UPON YOUR LIPS :)

Dream holiday, dream...

Did you read my previous post? About the Holiday.

Well, what I wanted for my holiday actually, is NOT to travel around the world or places, to go everyday from early in the morning and back home in the middle of the night with friends.

Tapi, yang gue mau buat liburan gue, gak muluk-muluk kok;

BEBAS DARI TUGAS(DALAM BENTUK APAPUN), BEBAS DARI APAPUN YANG BERBENTUK SEKOLAH, BEBAS DARI APAPUN YANG MENYANGKUT KEPENTINGAN ORANG LAIN MELALUI GUE. POKOKNYA BEBAS! SEBEBAS-BEBASNYA!!!!!!!

Karena menurut gue, Pemerintah ngasih kita hari Libur tuh gunanya buat pelajar-pelajar bisa istirahatin otak mereka setelah 6 bulan digembleng full oleh tenaga pengajar. Dan pastinya, cara orang untuk mengistirahatkan otak tuh beda-beda. Dan gue adalah salah satu orang yang kalau mau ngeistirahatin otak untuk mikirin satu hal dengan menjauhi hal itu selama beberapa menit, jam, hari atau minggu, biar waktu balik bisa lebih fresh dan lebih fokus.

Dan asal kalian tau ya, itu yang gue pengen banget lakuin selama full liburan ini, untuk ngerestart pikiran lagi, biar nanti first day of school, I'll come with my brand new mind which is fresher than before. Komunikasi yang gue lakuin sama temen-temen sekolahan pun juga paling cuma nanyain, "Lagi ngapain?" "Gimana di sana?" blahblahblah.

Tapi ini? Astaga! Just this night, i got a message from my friend, he wanted me to make a proposal for an event. HOLY CRAP!!!!! where's the love? waktu baca smsnya aja gue rasanya mau teriak. gosh! rasanya tuh kayak, LO ADALAH BERUANG DAN ADA YANG NGAMBIL DAGING KESUKAAN LO! MARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH BANGET :@ sumpah, ini yang gak gue mau. gue mau istirahat, liburan, gue capek, gue lelah, gue jenuh, gue mau kabur bentar aja dari rutinitas. tapi emang ada yang peduli? kan mikirnya yang penting kerjaan kelar.

MANA MIKIRIN ORANG YANG NGERJAIN GIMANA. NANTI KALO UDAH SELESAI KERJAANNYA, MUJI-MUJI. PENJILAT.

 Gue sangat amat tidak suka dengan cara yang kayak gitu, bener deh. dan lagi, gue gak suka kalian minta gue ngerjain ini-itu di waktu "istirahat" gue.  Istigfar anin, istigfar...

Just for your information ya, Karyawan di kantor aja punya hari libur, masa gue yang cuma sekretaris osis nggak punya? please banget ya?!

Just so you know, I'm tired of this stuffs.

My Mom's Mother's Day

Kalo gue jadi nyokap gue, mungkin gue bakal kecewa banget ama anak gue, yang mana adalah gue sendiri-_- di saat setiap anak lagi ngucapin langsung ke nyokapnya masing-masing "Selamat hari ibu" tapi nggak dengan gue. Bukan karena gue durhaka atau apa, gue cuma lagi ada di rumah sodara gue, makanya gak bisa bilang langsung ke ibu komandan hehe.

Tapi, tadi pagi gue sms dia akhirnya. sedikit sih, sedikit aja, cuma gue harap sms pendek gue itu bisa jadi "sesuatu" buat nyokap.

Gue sms dia gini,

Selamat Hari Ibu, Ma! Tetep kuat, tetep tegar! Tetep jadi Wonderwoman buat anin sama adek ya, Ma! Gak boleh cengeng! Mama, pasti bisa, we love you, Mom :*

Simple, padat, kekanak-kanakan, gak pake bahasa tingkat tinggi, tapi keluar dari hati gue yang paling dalem buat nyokap.

Banyak banget yang terjadi antara gue, nyokap dan keluarga kita, semoga nyokap gue bisa tetep kuat untuk ngejalanin semuanya :) Amin

Momma...

Momma...

I cant even speak to you all of these words.

My tongue is frozen.

My lips closed tight.

My hands are shaking.

Momma....

Today is December 22nd.

Today is what-they-called-Mother's Day

But for me, Mother's day has always been everyday.

Since I've been getting your love not only for one day.

Momma, you're always gonna be that woman...

that woman who stands tall above the broken glass

that woman who teaches me how to smile in my deepest pain

that woman who reminds me how worth life's fighting for

that woman who believes in whatever I'm doing is for good things

that woman who support me wherever I build my own path.

that woman who never underestimates my skill when I try.

that woman who's strong enough to break the mountain.

Momma...

You're always gonna be that hero.

Superwoman for your family.

Lover for your children.

Momma...

You are our shield in the hardest war.

You are our umbrella in the heaviest storm.

You are our protector in the wildest world.

Momma...

Just so you know, you are our everything.

Love,

Your beloved daughter

Happy Mother's Day!

SELAMAT HARI IBU!

Untuk semua wanita-wanita perkasa berhati lembut di seluruh dunia.
Untuk semua malaikat-malaikat Tuhan penjaga anak-anak.
Semoga kalian tetap diberi kekuatan untuk terus bertahan.

22 Desember.
Pada tanggal ini, setiap tahunnya dirayakan Hari Ibu di Indonesia. Memang sih, seharusnya hari ibu bisa dirayakan setiap hari. Secara, seorang ibu harusnya diberikan tempat spesial bukan hanya pada tanggal ini saja, tetapi seharusnya setiap hari.

Kelihatan ironis memang, kalau kita lihat orang yang nggak pernah memberikan kata cinta untuk ibunya sendiri di hari-hari "biasa". tapi kita patut berterima kasih juga dengan adanya hari ibu ini. kenapa? bayangin aja, orang yang nggak pernah ngomong, 

"I love you Mom"

jadi ngomong itu, walau hanya sekali dalam setahun. bayangin gimana perasaan ibu yang mendengar ucapan itu dari anaknya, pasti bahagia banget, walau hanya setaun sekali. walau ya, tidak bisa dipungkiri, seharusnya hari ibu dirayakan setiap hari, sebagai penghargaan bagi seorang ibu yang telah melahirkan, membesarkan, mendidik sampai kita bisa menulis atau membaca post ini.

Sekali lagi, 

SELAMAT HARI IBU!!!

Chatting time!!!!

ceritannya malem ini gue lagi chat sama beberapa orang lewat Facebook. salah satunya sama temen gue. awalnya emang gangguin dia kayak biasanya gue suka gangguin nih anak hahaha. tapi tiba-tiba, jari-jari gue ngetik kata demi kata yang ternyata gue kirim ke anak ini.

somehow, i feel like i fake too much things in myself. smiles. laughs. jokes. i feel like i'm being such a hypocrite for all the things. i know how deep my feeling is suffering on this way. feeling guilty for those things. but i dont wanna talk about it. i'm afraid of getting in too deep in this "what-so-called-galau" thing. somehow, my power becomes my biggest lie. my power becomes my biggest fear.

gue mendadak galau. dan dilanjutkan dengan ini,

cause i talk but no one understand. i write but no one read them. i sing but no one listen. i say but no one hear.

lalu ini,

i know, listen is not as easy as it seems. since somebody do have their own problem. that's why i dont need any. never mean to be arrogant, but i'm afraid if i ask more, it'll add more things to think by them

yup!
tentu saja temen gue yang satu ini kaget gara-gara tiba-tiba gue galauin kayak gitu. dan ini serangan tiba-tiba lagi. TI BA TI BA!-_-
tapi yaudahlah, yang penting gue udah melampiaskan sedikit dari segunung pikiran-pikiran gue yang ad di otak ini.-_-


ternyata, galau memang bisa menyerang siapa saja, kapan saja dan di mana saja :O

Piece of Lyric

It's like you're screaming, and no one can hear
You almost feel ashamed
That someone could be that important
That without them, you feel like nothing
No one will ever understand how much it hurts
You feel hopeless; like nothing can save you
And when it's over, and it's gone
You almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back
So that you could have the good

We Found Love-Rihanna

HOLIDAY'S FEVER!!!

Hello buddies!

Yep, finally, holiday is already come right in front of us :) hahahaha feel so truly happy for it.
Cause, it means that :
NO STUDY.
NO WAKE UP EARLY IN THE MORNING.
NO STUDY.
NO TAKING THAT FUCKING 17KMs DISTANCE TO GO TO SCHOOL.
NO MEETING THAT TEACHER OR FRIENDS THAT I DONT REALLY LIKE.
NO NEED TO SMILE WHEN I DONT WANT TO.

GAAAAAAAAAAAH!
This is what so called HEAVEN O:)

after 6 months struggling with all of those shits. start from paragraphs of lessons. much of competitions. business in my organization. people who always problems a lil' things. emotion that i have to control because of facing all of those people that always make me mad.

OH YEAH! THIS IS HOLIDAY SO I WONT MEET ALL OF THOSE THINGS AT LEAST FOR NEXT 2WEEKS :)

The point is HAVE A NICE HOLIDAY EVERYONE!
USE YOUR FREE-FUCKING-2-WEEKS WISELY, CAUSE YOU CAN ONLY MEET A MOMENT LIKE THIS ONCE IN 6 MONTHS!

OMG I'M SO EXCITED! IT MAKES ME USE THE CAPITAL LETTER FOR MY POST HAHAHA

And Please wish me luck for the competition that i join for tomorrow Monday :)

HAPPY SUNDAY!
HAPPY HOLIDAY!
:)

Live

laugh.

just laugh like you've never been laugh before.

talk.

just talk like you've never been listened before.

scream.

just scream like it's your first time to scream to the universe.

sing.

sing no matter you know your voice us the worst of all.

dance.

dance till you cant even stand up to dance anymore.

smile.

smile like a crazy person.

to your friends,

your parents,

your teachers,

even to strangers.

Run!

Run! like you've been haunted by the shooters.

and live.

live like you'll always be able to see the people you love.

live like there's always a better day.

live like it's your last day that you'll be able to breathe.

live for the one who loves you.

live for the one who you love.

Is it already November?

I just realized that this is already in November because of the post that I posted just now. Geez, how could I ever forget?-_-

I think I know the reason #trytoanalyze

1.  it must be because I didn't check the calender for almost 2 weeks. GEEZ, 2 WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!!
2. and those activities.... yes I couldn't deny anymore(never meant to be arogant) that my activities from the beginning of October until right now, or maybe until next week(i hope it could be lasted) is full-booked. damn! what did I just say? FULL-BOOKED? Geez, i feel like I'm a business woman who try to reach the edge of her carrier, right?
3. the last cause, I'M STRESS OUT!!!!!! *still feel weird because I change the colour of "I'm stress out" with purple-_-i like purple and "i'm stress out" is something which is the opposite of "like" itself

November........what kind of thing that I'll get in this month...feel a bit curious

November........is everything gonna be better than before?

November........can I make my resolutions real in this month?

November.........November........November........

HAVE A BLAST IN NOVEMBER EVERYONE :)

You changed, didn't you?

Hello fellas! how's your day? mine? it was just an ordinary one. went to school early in the morning, and went back home in the afternoon, oh yeah dont forget with the rain!  and in the school......ah nithing I could say about this not-so-damned-thing.

but no. i dont wanna talk about my ordinary activities.
now it's all about "Something Called Changing"
wanna know my opinion?
here it goes...


what is changing? why do people change? do everybody really need to be changed?
I dont know. it's just somehow people's changing is unacceptable. no matter about the caused or because of the impact. but one thing, I feel like I'm changing right now. not a physical thing actually. it's my habit, behaviour, something like that. i dont know whether it's bad or good to the people around me. but I feel comfort to the new me. but, does everybody accept it?

change.

just change til you find yourself.

dont have to think about the world around you.

it's not world who try to fit in you.

it's you.

change.

change because you need to.

not because the world ask you.

Dear fellas, what if you feel like you're not trying to change yourself but people around you judge you so?
actually, they can feel that way because, you dont act like you used to when you're with them, and they dont want to understand. nobody ever did, actually.

a random post huh?
it is

Alasan Harus Bangga Jadi Orang Indonesia

Berbanggalah dgn negara kita, jgn merendahkan
Artikel ini di dapat dr forward-an temen:

Suatu pagi, kami menjemput seseorg klien di bandara. Org itu sdh tua, kisaran 60 thn. Si Bpk adl pengusaha asal Singapura, dgn logat bicara gaya melayu & english, beliau menceritakan pengalaman2 hidupnya kpd kami yg msh muda.

Beliau berkata, "Ur country is so rich!"
Ah biasa banget denger kata2 itu. Tapi tunggu dulu... "Indonesia doesn't need the world, but the world needs Indonesia," lanjutnya. "Everything can be found here in Indonesia, U don't need the world."

"Mudah saja, Indonesia paru2 dunia. Tebang saja hutan di kalimantan, dunia pasti kiamat. Dunia yg butuh Indonesia! Singapura is nothing, we can't be rich without Indonesia.. 500.000 org Indonesia berlibur ke Singapura tiap bulan.. Bisa terbayang uang yg masuk ke kami, apartemen2 terbaru kami yg beli org2 Indonesia, ga peduli harga selangit, laku keras. Lihatlah RS kami, org Indonesia semua yg berobat. Trus, kalian tau bgmna kalapnya pemerintah kami ketika asap hutan Indonesia masuk? Ya, bener2 panik. Sangat terasa, we are nothing. Kalian tau kan kalo Agustus kmrn dunia krisis beras. Termasuk di Singapura dan Malaysia? Kalian di Indonesia dgn mudah dpt beras.. Liatlah negara kalian, air bersih di mana2, liatlah negara kami, air bersih pun kami beli dari Malaysia.

Saya ke Kalimantan pun dlm rangka bisnis, krn pasirnya mengandung permata. Terliat glitter kalo ada matahari bersinar. Penambang jual cuma Rp 3.000/kg ke pabrik china, si pabrik jual kembali seharga Rp 30.000/kg. Saya liat ini sbg peluang.. Kalian sadar tidak kalo negara2 lain selalu takut meng-embargo Indonesia?! Ya, karena negara kalian memiliki segalanya. Mereka takut kalau kalian menjadi mandiri, makanya tidak di embargo.

Harusnya KALIANLAH YG MENG-EMBARGO DIRI KALIAN SENDIRI. Belilah pangan dr petani2 kita sendiri, belilah tekstil garmen dr pabrik2 sendiri.. Tak perlu impor klo bs produk sendiri.

Jika kalian bs mandiri, bisa MENG-EMBARGO DIRI SENDIRI, INDONESIA WILL RULE THE WORLD!!

PLIS BROADCAST iar sampe SBY

Seperti kata Pak. Mario Teguh di salah satu acaranya kurang lebih spt ini:
"Jangan menganggap rendah diri anda, apabila tidak ingin di rendahkan.. Berbanggalah"

Sumber :Akbar Jumrotul

galauannya galauers

HAIIIIIIIIII!

*sebenernya gue tau blog gue nggak ada followersnya, mau bilang hai sekenceng apapun juga cuma jangkrik yang dengerin-curhat*

Well, Sunday, September 25, 2011. 10:07 WIB, WIG *WIG stands for Waktu Indonesia bagian Galau*

ini bukan gue yang lagi galau kawan-kawan, ini jam biologis para remaja umur 14-18 tahun mengalami suatu fenomena yang sangat cukup mendapat sorotan di dunia per-twitter-an G-A-L-A-U.

Galau tuh emang jadi satu kata yang sering disebut sama remaja sekarang gue rasa, abis kemana mana kayaknya gue denger kata galau-_-"ada yang galauin pelajaran, cinta, keluarga, cinta, gebetan, cinta blablabla. tapi mayoritas semua galauan sumbernya karna cinta.

gue jadi bingung. kenapa banyak orang(termasuk gue) galau karena cinta? emang ngapain sih si cinta ini? sampe bikin orang nangis, ngupdate status sedih sedihan di facebook atau twitter, dan lain lain. kenapa cinta gak di design buat cuma ngehibur aja ya? kayak cinta anaknya si uya kuya-_-aduh jadi ngelantur.

kenapa cinta buat kita sedih? 

padahal cinta harusnya membahagiakan 

apa kita yang salah dalam menafsirkan cinta?

Paragraf setelah ini untuk para galauers sedjati di luar sana.

gue sih pantau ini cuma dari status status fb atau twitter temen-temen gue sendiri. ada yang setiap hari, setiap jam, setiap menit cerita tentang cerita cintanya yang mungkin menurut ia mengenaskan, ada yang cerita kalo dia pengen mati banget grgr pacarnya gak perhatian, ada yang pengen mati banget gara-gara sekolahnya ini-itu, dll.

Dear mereka yang pengen mati cepet cepet, kalian tau gak sih kata bersyukur? tau gak? jujur, gue marah banget sama orang-orang kayak gini. pernah gak sih angan-angan kalian melayang ke seorang anak di Palestina yang kakinya kena ranjau, dia kesakitan, tapi nggak ada yang nolong, dia nahan sakit, dia berusaha mati-matian untuk hidup, gak kayak kalian yang berusaha mati-matian untuk mati. gue tau kita emang gak selamanya di dunia ini, nah justru karna waktu kita bentar, manfaatin dong!

Dear mereka yang suka ngeshare ups and downs of their life in social networking, pernah gak kalian berpikir kalo mungkin yang baca status status kalian itu bukannya simpatik tapi bosen parah? i know, it's your right to do it. tapi kalian gak malu ya kalo hidup kalian tuh baik buruknya diketahuin sama seluruh dunia(oke lebay) maksud gue banyak orang ? kalo gue, mungkin gue bakal nyari cara lain ya..

Dear mereka yang tiap hari cintanya sama seseorang yang gak direspon terus yang dibahas, pernah gak kalian berfikir kalo idup gak cuma buat itu? well, we do need love, to love and be loved. tapi cinta tuh gak dateng dari satu sumber, cinta dateng dari banyak sumber. mungkin lo galau karna 1 alasan ini, tapi masih ada ratusan, ribuan bahkan jutaan atau malah gak keitung alasan buat lo untuk bahagia. tapi lo sering banget ngelupain itu waktu lo galau. lo terlalu terpaku sama kesedihan lo. kasian.

Dear People,

Life is worth living for

but it's only for them who appreciate it

not for the one who waste it

Marhaban ya Ramadhan

finally, Ramadhan-the greatest month of all-has come. bulan penuh berkah, buulan penuh hidayah, bulan paling paling paling deh. Alhamdulillah. gives thanks to Allah, karena Dia masih ngasih kesempatan buat gue untuk ketemu bulan Ramadhan ini.

gue udah ngerti banget., tentang apa itu bulan ramadhan, apa yang kita lakuin sebaiknya waktu bulan ini, blablabla karna yak,gue udah cukup gede walau mungkin belom bisa dibilang dewasa. whatever it is, di bulan puasa/ ramadhan kali yah yang bener ini, gue mau jadiin bulan ini sebagai bulan evaluasi gue.


kenapa????


karna, menurut gue bulan ini tuh pas dan cocok banget buat yang namanya mengevaluasi diri.
i will TRY to change my bad habit and make it better. ya, semoga project gue bisa terselesaikan, dan gak hanya di bulan puasa ini, gue mau itu terus berlanjut ke bulan bulan setelahnya, amin ya rabbal alamin.
dan semoga, bulan puasa ini, bisa bikin gue tambah jadi orang yang sabar, dan bersyukur juga ikhlas. amin amin amin.


MARHABAN YA RAMADHAN!
SEMOGA BULAN RAMADHAN INI MEMBAWA BERKAH BAGI KITA SEMUA
AMIN :)

I'm Fine

“Are you okay?”

“Of course, I’m fine”

…

“Is everything alright?”

“Yes, it is. I’m fine”

…

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing, I’m just fine. Take it easy”

…

Now, which one are the truth and the lies? You can’t decide? Me neither. Have somebody asked you about your condition then you said that you’re all okay whether you know exactly that you’re not just to make them feel relief or you don’t want them to fall into your own world. Have you? If you have, do you feel that this damn thing is an addicting thing? I meant, to lie about your real condition to anybody else.

Cause for me, yes it was.

And these are my reasons:

First, I did this because I don’t want everyone surround me feel worry about my condition (even I know, they won’t be). Second, I don’t want them to make such as unimportant questions which are annoying. Third, for me there’s only happiness to share for, not pain or sadness.

But I’m just human. I do have a heart. That’s why sometimes, I feel like breathless to do this. But my heart says that I should. I keep all the pains alone. Strengthen my defense from inside and outside. Swim into my world just to escape from the reality. Try to let my sadness go, take it as a lesson. But I can’t be that wise. I’m teenager. I’m 16. That’s when people call us (teenagers) labile. All I can do is trying. But the more I try, the more I spread those little lies. “I’m fine”, “I’m okay”, “everything’s alright”, when the fuck I will stop doing this? Pretending like I’m all okay, faking smile, well, I’ve been living with that method, I’m trying to feel accustomed.  But, sometimes, I do want someone here beside me, I don’t want her/him to give me advices or something like that, cause I know in the end, what I have to do is to be patient, feel more grateful and sincere, I just want them to be there to listen to my old damn stories, even I tell it over and over again. Somehow, I just need friend who’s really into me, who can be the place where to run to, who won’t be bored of wiping my tears when I’m in my deepest pain.

You know? I’m just feeling like I’m alone in this world…

I just need a friend that can be the one who will know the truth, who will hear that “I’m not fine or sick or in pain” when I tell everybody that “I’m fine”…

But in the end, I can’t find someone like it, and then the last, all I can say is “I’m fine”

love grows

hallo! balik lagi gue bakal ngebacot seenak udel di sini hehe. oke oke, sekarang gue lagi ngumpul kan nih sama 5 kurcaci gue, setelah sekitar 1 semester kita nggak ketemu, sumpah kangen banget sama mereka :( ini sih belom ngumpul semua, soalnya kalo pasukan lengkap itu ada 7 kurcaci plus gue. hahaha unyu banget-_-

tapi, bukan itu yang mau gue ceritain sebenernya. bukan tentang kurcaci-kurcaci gue. tapi posting kali ini karena suatu hal tentang mereka, tapi nggak ada hubungannya sama kehidupan mereka, oke, udah pusing liat tulisan gue? sama gue juga pusing yang nulisnya. lanjut.


tadi gue lagi duduk di ruang tv sama tante, om dan satu kurcaci I. gue megang bb nya kurcaci II. iseng iseng gue liat bbm nya dia. kali ini gue ngelanggar aturan gue yang nggak ngebolehin buka suatu tempat privacy mereka. including ; inbox, bbm, dll.
ada chat yang gini antara kurcaci II yang bergender cowok sama seorang cewek.

K II: kamu suka sama siapa?

cewek itu : kamu duluan

K II : kamu duluan pleaseeee

cewek : aku suka sama kamu

K II : aku suka sama kamu juga

Cewek : o

K II : kamu lagi nonton apa?

dari percakapan singkat itu gue nyadar aja betapa mudahnya kita waktu kita kecil buat ngomongin rasa cinta. tapi sekarang? when we're being older. kita dewasa. kita malah menyembunyikan perasaan suka, sayang, cinta atau apalah orang sering bilang. padahal waktu kecil? >>you decide<<

dan dari percakapan itu, betapa mudahnya kurcaci gue itu melupakan apa yang dia  bilang ke cewek itu? ohmy.....apa kita bener bener lahir untuk merasakan perasaan yang complicated banget buat di terjemahkan dengan kata-kata?

apa nanti semua orang seiring berjalannya waktu akan dengan mudah menyembunyikan perasaan mereka sedangkan waktu kecil kita dengan mudahnya jujur menyatakan perasaan kita? apa semua bakal jadi seperti itu? sedangkan setiap lyric lagu yang gue denger meminta pendengarnya untuk nyatakan cinta atau tunjukan cinta yang kita punya.

choices

Happy June 5!

Hope that you all guys feeling great today, tomorrow and forever. Amen.

What I’m gonna write isn’t about love, or any other thing. It’s just about me, myself and I, (yea! Who do you think you are nin?!) . Such as suck situation, feeling, condition, and what else? Yeah whatsoever it is that tells you where I’m living now, how’s my feeling on.

You know what I hate the most? That’s to live under some choices, even I know, life’s choice. But the words “life’s choice” are too easy to choose. When someone said “life is a choice” that means “you must choose one, you want to live your life or you want to die right now?” and the answer must be “I want to live my life” that’s the time when you choose. Easy.

But, no. not for this time, I mean. First, I want to recheck that damn words. It must be “life fills up by choices” cause, yes it does, even in the end we’ll be back again to “life’s choice”. And the choice isn’t as that easy as a choice to live or to die. No matter it’s about to choose one between 2 choices of clothes that you want to buy, being a single lady, and many more. Cause trust me, it becomes difficult sometimes.

Choices are about the right one and the wrong one. The truth and the lies. The goodness and the badness. The point is, no matter you choose the wrong one, you’re gonna be who you are.

Now I’m in helldamnfucking between situations, where I should choose one. And the hell thing is it’s not only about my life, but also it’s about someone else’s life. It’s not only about my future, but also about someone else’s future. And for this damn thing, I don’t wanna mess the things up.

And I should choose one, if I choose a thing which I can make sure myself that my life, my future will be safe. And of course, I’ll be happy, but it won’t bring the same happiness to someone else. I can guarantee my statement 100%. And if I keep holding on the way that I’ve been walking on, I can make sure myself that, someone will be happy, but my future? Yes, I can forget it.

And this is the time when I should choose one of those fucking choice. I know there’s always a consequence for every way that I take. But I don’t care. I’ll take the risk. I just wanna be wise, and not being selfish for this damn thing, at least only for this thing. :(

*I made this post on June 5, 2011

Why I love to write more than to speak is because
when i write, it’s just me.
 There’s no interruption. 
No matter it’s in Indonesian or English.
 It’s just me. 

Besides, i love to write more than to speak
 because in reality 
I've got no one to speak with, 
I’ve got no one to hear all of my damn old stories, 
and no one seems to hear a thing. 
Pathetic is’nt it?

hey I miss them!

You’ve got no idea how I miss the entire thing that I had, and all the laughter that I’ve shared with the. Now all the memories are coming back. Let my mood down to the ground. Like, there’s something missed from my soul. And you know? I’ve got no one. I mean, really nobody’s here with me to tag along with my hell damn fucking situation. Like, I want to cry but all I have to do is to hold all the tears, because I should make them sure that I’m 100% okay. Even if, there’s a mount of pains killing me. I’ve been trying to chill out, to be strong, to laugh it all off, but I can’t stand of being like that or the rest time of my senior high school. I want my old life back, I want my mom, i want my friends who live in a place where I used to live before, I want my sista. Childish huh? I don’t care, cause, all I know, they could make me feel better. Even I should live without my daddy’s hug, without my daddy’s smile, daddy’s anger, and everything from them. I’ve been missing him so hell damn much.

First, thought that 1 year is enough or me to move on or to heal all the pains that he left but the fact is not. I still got this pain on my chest; still got him running through my mind, still got those tears running down my face every night, and still got those damn fucking fake-smile on my face. That’s why I screamed, that’s why i really insist God to bring back my old life. THIS IS NOT THE LIFE THAT I WISHED!!!