Wednesday, June 29, 2011

love grows

hallo! balik lagi gue bakal ngebacot seenak udel di sini hehe. oke oke, sekarang gue lagi ngumpul kan nih sama 5 kurcaci gue, setelah sekitar 1 semester kita nggak ketemu, sumpah kangen banget sama mereka :( ini sih belom ngumpul semua, soalnya kalo pasukan lengkap itu ada 7 kurcaci plus gue. hahaha unyu banget-_-

tapi, bukan itu yang mau gue ceritain sebenernya. bukan tentang kurcaci-kurcaci gue. tapi posting kali ini karena suatu hal tentang mereka, tapi nggak ada hubungannya sama kehidupan mereka, oke, udah pusing liat tulisan gue? sama gue juga pusing yang nulisnya. lanjut.

tadi gue lagi duduk di ruang tv sama tante, om dan satu kurcaci I. gue megang bb nya kurcaci II. iseng iseng gue liat bbm nya dia. kali ini gue ngelanggar aturan gue yang nggak ngebolehin buka suatu tempat privacy mereka. including ; inbox, bbm, dll.
ada chat yang gini antara kurcaci II yang bergender cowok sama seorang cewek.

K II: kamu suka sama siapa?
cewek itu : kamu duluan
K II : kamu duluan pleaseeee
cewek : aku suka sama kamu
K II : aku suka sama kamu juga
Cewek : o
K II : kamu lagi nonton apa?

dari percakapan singkat itu gue nyadar aja betapa mudahnya kita waktu kita kecil buat ngomongin rasa cinta. tapi sekarang? when we're being older. kita dewasa. kita malah menyembunyikan perasaan suka, sayang, cinta atau apalah orang sering bilang. padahal waktu kecil? >>you decide<<

dan dari percakapan itu, betapa mudahnya kurcaci gue itu melupakan apa yang dia  bilang ke cewek itu? ohmy.....apa kita bener bener lahir untuk merasakan perasaan yang complicated banget buat di terjemahkan dengan kata-kata?

apa nanti semua orang seiring berjalannya waktu akan dengan mudah menyembunyikan perasaan mereka sedangkan waktu kecil kita dengan mudahnya jujur menyatakan perasaan kita? apa semua bakal jadi seperti itu? sedangkan setiap lyric lagu yang gue denger meminta pendengarnya untuk nyatakan cinta atau tunjukan cinta yang kita punya.

Sunday, June 12, 2011


Happy June 5!
Hope that you all guys feeling great today, tomorrow and forever. Amen.

What I’m gonna write isn’t about love, or any other thing. It’s just about me, myself and I, (yea! Who do you think you are nin?!) . Such as suck situation, feeling, condition, and what else? Yeah whatsoever it is that tells you where I’m living now, how’s my feeling on.
You know what I hate the most? That’s to live under some choices, even I know, life’s choice. But the words “life’s choice” are too easy to choose. When someone said “life is a choice” that means “you must choose one, you want to live your life or you want to die right now?” and the answer must be “I want to live my life” that’s the time when you choose. Easy.
But, no. not for this time, I mean. First, I want to recheck that damn words. It must be “life fills up by choices” cause, yes it does, even in the end we’ll be back again to “life’s choice”. And the choice isn’t as that easy as a choice to live or to die. No matter it’s about to choose one between 2 choices of clothes that you want to buy, being a single lady, and many more. Cause trust me, it becomes difficult sometimes.
Choices are about the right one and the wrong one. The truth and the lies. The goodness and the badness. The point is, no matter you choose the wrong one, you’re gonna be who you are.
Now I’m in helldamnfucking between situations, where I should choose one. And the hell thing is it’s not only about my life, but also it’s about someone else’s life. It’s not only about my future, but also about someone else’s future. And for this damn thing, I don’t wanna mess the things up.
And I should choose one, if I choose a thing which I can make sure myself that my life, my future will be safe. And of course, I’ll be happy, but it won’t bring the same happiness to someone else. I can guarantee my statement 100%. And if I keep holding on the way that I’ve been walking on, I can make sure myself that, someone will be happy, but my future? Yes, I can forget it.
And this is the time when I should choose one of those fucking choice. I know there’s always a consequence for every way that I take. But I don’t care. I’ll take the risk. I just wanna be wise, and not being selfish for this damn thing, at least only for this thing. :(

*I made this post on June 5, 2011

Why I love to write more than to speak is because
when i write, it’s just me.
 There’s no interruption. 
No matter it’s in Indonesian or English.
 It’s just me. 

Besides, i love to write more than to speak
 because in reality 
I've got no one to speak with, 
I’ve got no one to hear all of my damn old stories, 
and no one seems to hear a thing. 
Pathetic is’nt it?

hey I miss them!

You’ve got no idea how I miss the entire thing that I had, and all the laughter that I’ve shared with the. Now all the memories are coming back. Let my mood down to the ground. Like, there’s something missed from my soul. And you know? I’ve got no one. I mean, really nobody’s here with me to tag along with my hell damn fucking situation. Like, I want to cry but all I have to do is to hold all the tears, because I should make them sure that I’m 100% okay. Even if, there’s a mount of pains killing me. I’ve been trying to chill out, to be strong, to laugh it all off, but I can’t stand of being like that or the rest time of my senior high school. I want my old life back, I want my mom, i want my friends who live in a place where I used to live before, I want my sista. Childish huh? I don’t care, cause, all I know, they could make me feel better. Even I should live without my daddy’s hug, without my daddy’s smile, daddy’s anger, and everything from them. I’ve been missing him so hell damn much.

First, thought that 1 year is enough or me to move on or to heal all the pains that he left but the fact is not. I still got this pain on my chest; still got him running through my mind, still got those tears running down my face every night, and still got those damn fucking fake-smile on my face. That’s why I screamed, that’s why i really insist God to bring back my old life. THIS IS NOT THE LIFE THAT I WISHED!!!

grow up

Hello people who’s still stepping your feet on the ground and breathing the oxygen and live under this atmosphere!

Grow up.

Everybody does grow up. There, people makes changing in their physically and their way to think and to solve many problems.

There are two types of people in this world about “grow up”; there are some people who wanna grow up faster so everybody can see that they’re mature enough to through their life. But there are some people who wanna stop the time and live forever young and forget about the aging.

And aging or grow up or whatsoever it called, isn’t as easy as it spells out from your mouth since all the problems become more and more complex. Like, when you got problem A, and you try to solve it, before it’s really clear, comes another problem as problem B to strength the problem A or it comes from a really different situation or condition, but wherever it comes from, it’s just annoying and suck. That’s what I feel when I’m in senior high school. I mean now.

I know that I’m growing up. I can think logically now. I mean, not only think about what I wanted but also what I needed even sometimes, it gets hard. And I can think something that I might need for a long term or short, what I might need in the future or now. But, one thing that you should know, I’m not the type of people who wanna grow up faster. I’m the type of people who want to stop the time then live forever young, forget about aging or problems. I wanna back to my childhood, instead. Too bad, I couldn’t. Yes, nobody can’t do it.